amy-derfer

Amy

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Buick 92 by amy-derfer, literature

nails by amy-derfer, literature

Literature

nails

I was spitting nails before we fell into it, maybe I still am. Have you ever seen someone die from a nail gun? There isn’t anywhere horror movies won’t go but we both know you don’t watch them so.. I have a past that still isn’t house trained, you dare to let him uncaged? I have too many teeth for you. Not like pearls still suckling on the oyster, like whatever ends up killing you in your sleep, like a gift from an enemy – the way he smiles when he rings the doorbell, like waking up to discover all the trees are gone, the way the sun laughs at you then. Just exactly like how angry God gets at you when you

solar power by amy-derfer, literature

Romance by amy-derfer, literature

My Parents Used to Be Missionaries by amy-derfer, literature

Escape by amy-derfer, literature

Jenga by amy-derfer, literature

Literature

Jenga

I can’t go crazy again. I am building a pyramid, a massive tower of poorly balanced bricks. Every relationship, every friendship, rides on this. I cannot go crazy again. Everything would fall. Rumi and Hafiz. All the references to the Sun are what does it. I am pushed back in time to two years ago. Wild with joy. I never felt it again. Perhaps I never will. To feel it would destroy my tower, now balanced through months of careful stacking. Everything used to make perfect sense, although to everyone else I was chaos incarnate. Everything I do now is distraction. I am a flicker on the water, refusing to look down into the de

Chaos Soup by amy-derfer, literature

Literature

Chaos Soup

my thoughts don’t seem to press well together, now a dirty tangle of threads instead of the once-bright tapestry. I can’t think what picture must be woven, the one so clear to me a week ago today is dim as dreams, thick fog, impenetrable. (I was somewhere else) or Soon, I will find myself waking up, shaking sweating and relieved. I will pour myself into your arms. “I had the worst dream....” Reality will be blinding us, sunrise through picture windows. This will not happen. The only present-tense that weakens my eyesight is darkness. I feel my way through four hundred days, scrape my shin on five hundred and se

feathers by amy-derfer, literature

Literature

feathers

escape becomes worthless how ridiculous would you feel running away with no one chasing you down so test the ropes I was the last kid on the playground to learn to tie knots and you are not my kite dog or balloon-trapped helium don’t wait for me to bear-trap you tame you and me: the difference I’ve burned far too many prison cells to lock you up anywhere you’ve clipped enough wings to fear a cage from anyone you touch

zoo by amy-derfer, literature

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Buick 92 by amy-derfer, literature

nails by amy-derfer, literature

Literature

nails

solar power by amy-derfer, literature

Romance by amy-derfer, literature

My Parents Used to Be Missionaries by amy-derfer, literature

Escape by amy-derfer, literature

Jenga by amy-derfer, literature

Literature

Jenga

Chaos Soup by amy-derfer, literature

Literature

Chaos Soup

feathers by amy-derfer, literature

Literature

feathers

zoo by amy-derfer, literature

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the gardener by EternalSunday, literature

Literature

the gardener

the wildflower truths have spread to your garden, and you cut them down like weeds, your tired hands chopping off the head of the hydra. it always reappears, stronger and more lethal. the pain it brings is just as resilient but you cover it up with plastic sheeting until every emotion feels compulsory, the smell of new cars, lab coat white, too clean to be real. but you have dirt under your fingernails, after pulling out roots from the ground. you weighed them in your hands to examine their worth, but came up with nothing, not an ounce of the answers you hoped to find.

What angels invented by archelyxs, literature

Literature

What angels invented

i. The ocean of air above you swells with voices deathless skippers leaving dust of meteorites in gusty mind- crevices but you, an airborne antigen You trammel inspiration off the tallest waters. The poems you could have written I go on and they go too, skating away on pitchey ink ii. The ocean of water beneath my trembling fingers your hand closes over them so clasping so out of breath and quiet skin which I am carrying on top of my skin paints the blush of every flower in your state opening up to spring at once you can put your twangy spin on stars (but you can't keep me off alone) iii. The firma

Regarding Protocol by betwixtthepages, literature

infinitely by forestmeetwildfire, literature

Literature

infinitely

we are on a ship of fools, bent toward self-destruction (backs breaking, knees trembling), carrying the world on our shoulders like shrieking toddlers (pudgy little hands covering our faces, smiles are all the rage) we are sailing in a black sea riddled with impossible creatures things with mouths clamped shut with age, grotesque eyes wild with mania, webbed fingers, feet scarred like a pirate's right hook. i am the captain and i am tossed overboard, the captain is overboard, all lost souls get left behind. infinity is a really long time (especially towards the end)

About amy-derfer

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May 27
United States
Deviant for 14 years
troutpasta.blogspot.com
She / Her

Badges

My Bio

I'm working on it.

Current Residence: Fargo, North Dakota, USA
Personal Quote: get thee to a nunnery - Shakespeare-

Favourite Movies

Fight Club

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

Dear and the Headlights, Billy Talent, Reel Big Fish, lostprophets, Magnetic Fields

Favourite Writers

Nikki Giovanni, Chuck Palahniuk, Augusten Burroughs

Tools of the Trade

Nikon D700

Posts

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amy-derfer

Jun 13, 2016

Haven't been on here. in... a lonnnnnng time. I only write when the inspiration strikes which is currently never.... So. that's that.

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amy-derfer

Oct 11, 2013

Devious Journal Entry

0 min read

not in thailand anymore.  At home, in school.  It ain't bad.

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amy-derfer

Jul 18, 2013

(double posting from my blog)

0 min read

This is the first time in a very long time that I am able to say I am living in the here and now.  I've been so hung up on my past, on the people who think poorly of me, the mistakes I've made... I spent a good chunk of my life constantly reassuring myself that "eventually" I will be happy, satisfied, and start traveling. Even in Korea, there was an undercurrent in my head "Thailand Thailand Thailand it will be better in Thailand". I'm here. I mean, mentally.  I'm exactly where I should be.  The past seems so far away, detritus washing up on a whole other continent. I have class every weekday, and then I go out with my classmates at night